PAEDO POLICE CLOSE TO BREAKTHROUGH IN JIMMY SAVILE CASE

London's Met police have announced that their war on paedophile 1970's pop jockeys is almost won as the net around wanted kiddydiddler Jimmy Savile continues to tighten

17 members of Savile's family have been arrested and charged with attempting to pervert the course of  justice as it was revealed that they destroyed a huge granite marker stone that may have provided crucial clues as to the whereabouts of Britain's most wanted charity fundraiser

At a Met Police press conference this morning Commander Peter Shindler, head of "Operation Yewtree" assured the public that Savile was now "a definate paedo, possibly the worlds biggest ever" and went on to say he would soon be brought to justice alongside the many other Paedo DJ's on his list

"We have 976 officers working on operation yewtree now following 557 lines of inquiry, some of the hundreds of calls to the national accident helpline have claimed that other 70's celebrities were also involved so we've had to split yewtree into three different camps, we can't explain why for confidentiality reasons but we're calling them JIMMY SAVILE, JIMMY SAVILE AND OTHERS and simply OTHERS"

Meanwhile fugitive patron of 29 separate charities and raiser of almost £50,000,000 for worthy causes, Jimmy Savile, released a new pop video mocking those hundreds of officers who have been reassigned from fighting present day crime and sent back to investigate alleged "incidents" from the 1950's 60's & 70's

Sergeant Pete O'Foyle from Scotland Yard's "allegations from the 70's squad" today arrested an unnamed 67 year old radio personality after 2 hysterical women suddenly remembered that he had allegedly "jiggled" their boobs 41 years ago, in further shocking revelations it transpired that one of these incidents happened on BBC premises where hundreds of kiddies are now alleged to have been diddled

"I will not be drawn on the identity of this famous BBC Radio 1 breakfast show presenter from 1978 to 1980" said Sgt Pete O'Foyle "we do however have a number of photographs and video clips of him WITH Jimmy Savile on paedo pop show POP-OFF-THEIR-TOPS so we have no doubt that he is a diddler"

WORRIED : Dave Lee Travis, Jimmy Savile & Freddie Starr Last Week

Sgt O'Foyle is also credited with the arrest of Dodgy Hamster eating Scouser Freddie Star and more recently 70's glam rock icon Gary Glitter following hundreds of compensation claims from elderly cash-strapped  women who were groupies and teenyboppers in the 1960's & 70's

"When I finally felt Gary Glitter's huge flamboyant collar I had no doubt that I had taken out the leader of this prolific, predatory gang" O'Foyle went on to say, "several of these of pop pushing paedos are now believed to have belonged to a PIRATE organisation, codenamed CAROLINE"

Asked if he had a message for Philanthropist, Charity Patron & Public Safety Film Superstar Jimmy Savile, Sgt O'Foyle issued this appeal

"Give yourself up Savile, we know where you are and we know what your motorhome looks like, we have hundreds of officers out looking for you and the BBC has three separate inquiries ongoing, you can't hide for much longer, we demand justice for all these diddled groupies and they have fixed it for you"

A fellow BBC Radio DJ released the following statement "for decades paedophile DJ's at the BBC have been hiding in plain sight, it simply beggars belief that the blatantly obvious clues to their darker side were ignored for so long, it is now time to wake up to the glaringly obvious evidence, the police must bring all these perverts to justice or my name isn't David 'KID' Jensen"

MET POLICE ARE RACIST PIGS!

SHOCKING RACE HATE SCANDAL


In a startling revelation this week THE STUN has heard recordings of a number of nasty racist pigs calling various people they were roughing up, vile racist names from the 1960's such as N***er, Da**ie & Ju**** B***y

Investigative reporters have learned that up to 20 scuffers from London's notorious Metropolitan Police Farce are currently suspended for racially abusing a large number of innocent minority ethnics, this has lead to the growth in claims that most of London's bizzies are in fact nasty bigoted thugs

Shocking audio recorded by a 21 year old black youth who was stopped, restrained and beaten by a van load of overweight, overpaid bluebottles during London's recent race riots shows the extent of the racial abuse. PC Alex MacGriffin 52 is clearly heard ranting at the innocent youth "yeah I did strangle you c**t, don't hide behind your b***k skin, you'll always be a ni**er yeah"

Defiant PC MacGriffin told our crime editor Leroy Johnson "I didn't use N***er I called him N***ah and that's not racist at all, N***ahs use that term all the time, anyway I'm 52 so I remember Barnes Wallace's dog called N***er and at my nursery school we were taught eeny meeny money mo, I'm old school so they can't sack me, I'll sue them for loads of taxpayers money"


Whilst PC MacGriffin remains suspended on full pay the CPS (Copper Protection Service) have deemed his racial abuse to be lawful claiming that the totally innocent  21 year old black youth he handcuffed, choked and abused was NOT caused any "Alarm harassment or distress" by his actions, CPS lawyer Olorunfemi Arogbokun explained "We recently locked up a thick white woman for dissing black and brown people and a bunch of Polish on a tram in Croydon, some pissed up student in Wales went down for 2 months for N' wording a footballer from his B***kberry over Twitter, what PC MacGriffin did was OK though, not cos he's white, because he's in the Met"

We asked former top copper Brian Padlock who left the Met several years ago if he now liked black men? "I never got my hands on one, they run much faster than we can you know" he told us from his Mayoral election campaign office "It wasn't for lack of trying, I was always chasing them as a young Bobby, they're incredibly agile and very well hung" Padlock was an advocate of better diversity training whilst in the Met "It's always handy for the lads to be able to tell your Abdabs from your Spicks and your Daygos" he told us

Bernard Hogan-Manning, alleged chief racist

Chief rozzer Bernard Hogan-Manning spoke out against racists in his camp at a press conference this morning saying "I want to work for an organisation that doesn't hate any single ethnic group unfairly, my officers have been trained to hate all races equally and to report any of their colleagues targeting P**is, Ch***s or n*****s" after the press conference Mr. Hogan-Manning told THE STUN "I hate racism with a passion, my mother in law is as black as the ace of spades you know"

Commissioner Hogan-Manning assured reporters that his left hand man Sir Paul Condom and right hand woman Cresida Cox-Hucker had been tasked with ethnically cleansing the Met of all its racists, "I'm not condoning racism but most of the crooks we nick have some form of suntan, go figure" said Sir Paul, Ms Cox-Hucker told us "we're not a racist institution at all, we had that Ali Dizaei working here and he was as bent as an Arab corkscrew, these silly allegations of so-called racism are mostly made by n****r loving Jew boys who are only softening the force up for more of their nasty public spending cuts"

SEXIST COMEDY COMPETITION IN "PAY TO PLAY" SCANDAL

Women have the power to be funny..... for just £15


Sexist comedy promoter "Fanny Women" who last year sparked outrage and controversy by charging wannabe comediennes a whopping £15 entry fee to take part in their competition have become embroiled in a yet another scandal by still blatantly refusing to let any males, transvestites or male to female transsexuals enter their annual contest

You've got £15 and a fanny? then we'll let you try to be funny! 

In addition, THE STUN has learned from an undisclosed source that despite raising several hundred thousand pounds from Youtube adsense revenues AND three new sponsors the disgustingly controversial £15 pay to play entrance fee remains in place for yet another year!

Trans comic Glenda Sheeman, "it's a diabolical liberty!"

Outraged transsexual comic Glenda Sheeman told THE STUN "every year I try to enter the Fanny Women comp and each year get the same response, they don't want me or my £15 because I once possessed a penis, had I been a female to male transsexual I would have been accepted, it's blatant gender apartheid and a diabolical liberty, political correctness gone mad, you couldn't make this stuff up"

THE STUN put it to Fanny Women organiser Lynda Sheaffer that her competition not only exploited gullible women but was sexist towards men, Sheaffer retorted "Unless you have a GENUINE fanny you simply cannot enter our competition, end of story! it's called Fanny Women for a reason, regardless of recent gender reassignment breakthroughs we can't have comics with penises going around entering Fanny Women willy nilly"

Last years £15 entrance fee was seen by critics as exploiting naive, inexperienced and girly acts who had no real chance of actually being "funny" during the social media shitstorm that followed, Sarah Milliband, Sheppie Corrs-Hendy & Jo Coalfield all tweeted their disapproval at the huge entry fee, "£15 can feed a slim female comic for a month" Tweeted Coalfield, the former face of Fanny Women's website who urged hard-up lady comics to take their £15 down to Primark instead

Posh new act Roberta Lyndsey, yet another hissy fit

Posh Roberta Lyndsey an up and coming comedienne still reeling from her recent hissy fit over the effects of "diversity" on oppressed female open-micers told us "I was looking forward to doing this last year but the £15 entry fee came as a shocking deal breaker, my mum can't afford to keep supporting my starving artist lifestyle AND pay these exhorbitant fees as well, it's discrimination, shame on them, I'm very very cross, so cross that I shall write an angry blog about it!"

In 2011 Fanny Women sought to justify the £15 entry fee by claiming they had no sponsor to fund the bits of the contest that their huge audience revenues didn't cover, whilst that may have washed last year THE STUN has learned that they have attracted no less than THREE corporate sponsors for the 2012 competition!

Kiera Barley, MD at one of the sponsors, cosmetics brand BENEFIT said "The deal is perfect because our range of make-up also costs £15, there are many other brand value synergies, for example most of the Fanny Women acts are on benefits and like the myth that women can be funny our customers faces are "made up" too"

The Fanny Women competition also has an award for the best variety act which is sponsored by BLUE NUN wine. Julie Feral of the brand placement agency said "Sponsorship of sexist competitions connects people, Brand values are strengthened by it, the Blue Nun is also a woman and when she gets pissed on Liebfraumilch she's hilarious"

In a statement from the competitions other sponsor, Mrs. Shirley Tampax, Marketing director of sanitary protection brand LIBERTY panty liners said "bloody hell, we were unaware of this controversy but having thought about it, we can still align brand values synergistically, Comediennes are well known for their menstruation jokes and like the Fanny Women £15 entry fee our product is also a bleeding liberty" 

KERCHING! Fanny Women shaking that money maker

Rival "FREE ENTRY" comedy competitions are being set up in response to give men, trannies and the masses of women without the required three £5 notes a chance to be represented in what is still a very divisive,  exploitative and for some, highly lucrative art form

COWARDLY SCUFFERS MURDER FAMILY PET

Pigs kill Scoobie - EXCLUSIVE!


Five coppers from the Met Police's elite ASBO unit are today in hospital with "life changing" injuries after a bungled raid on the East London home of a notorious graffiti artist, Eyewitnesses told THE STUN that 7 buzzed up bizzies had battered through the front door dressed in menacing para-military uniforms and were then heard screaming "Armed police, open the door" when terrified family pet Scoobie, a 1 year old Labradoodle sprang to her owners defence. Police confirmed the swoop was part of Operation Big Wang, a major Scotland Yard purge on easy to prosecute offences ranging from skateboarding and graffiti to public urination.

Scoobie, shot only four times at point blank range by a highly skilled CO19 marksman

Horrific video footage captured on a neighbours mobile phone shows several PETrified rozzers jumping onto a 3 foot high wall as Scoobie angrily growled and snapped at their colleagues, PC Jack Russell can be heard screaming "Help me help me! get this bitch off me" as his pepper spray wielding colleagues scatter in all directions and a PCSO is seen jumping onto a nearby car roof causing criminal damage

Brave bluebottles dive for the safety of high ground as Scoobie defends his home

The stand off continued in what was described as a "Sustained attack" over 30 minutes with Scoobie chasing barton wielding, Tazer toting peelers up walls and onto cars until the Tactical Support Group arrived and performed a controversial "kennelling" manoeuvre, finally pinning the petrified pooch down under a wall of riot shields, moments later a skilled marksman from CO19 arrived and took just four shots from a Barret .50 calibre rifle to humanely execute the pinned down puppy

Chief Inspector Dick Smart of Barking C.I.D. told THE STUN "due to some faulty intelligence we did not plan for or train our officers to deal with any type of canine that would defend it's home against a sudden forced entrance by 7 armed and screaming men, if these police budget cuts continue we may end up having to employ some dogs ourselves as they are probably cheaper than the PCSO's we currently have to use"

THE STUN has learned from 73 year old neighbour Jermaine Shepherd that the deceased Labradoodle was a well known risk, "I have reported that dirty bitch to the council countless times for persistent fouling but nothing was ever done, now they're sorry, I told them it would all end up in a big stinking mess, I feel vindicated" he said

Sergeant Springer who led the initial raid was treated for shock after the ordeal, he told THE STUN "when that ferocious beast grabbed my colleague I just ran, I'll probably be hounded for not doing more to save them but I'm only earning £46k a year and now that we no longer get to top up our income with tax free "Tips" from tabloid journalists there's just no way I'm getting hurt for such a pittance, they'll probably have a bone to pick with me when they get back from their 6 months sick leave but that's just life in 21st century Barking"

Bloodbath, a Newham street becomes a river of Labradoodle blood after pets public execution

5 members of a Bahamian pop group were later remanded in custody after an anonymous tip off on the crimeshoppers snitch line, the unidentified caller claimed he knew for a fact that it was definitely the Baha Men "who let the dogs out"

Sex Factor Sex Tape Scandal - Tulisa Comes Clean

Tulisa's Blow By Blow Account

Talented vocalist Tulisa Contostavrobabbadopoulou has shocked n-dubz & X-Factor fans by revealing that the controversial "faked" blowjob video that allegedly showed her hungrily felating fellow bandmate "Facialer" was in fact a REAL SEX TAPE all along!

In a shocking 360 degree u-turn, tantalising, todger teaser Tulisa told her many new fans that she did indeed do the dirty deepthroat deed on "THAT dong" but in a shocking 180 degree twist to the u-turn it was revealed that she remembered the gnarly purple member she was noshing off was not in fact the member of band member "Facialer" at all....

Former ex boyfriend Justin Cider also known as rapper MC Ulterior was named and shamed as the lewd love rat who did the dirty in Tasty Tulisa's sex tape, in her Youtube confessional video Tidy Tulisa 23 said she was Heartbroken, Horrified & Humiliated to be Betrayed, Belittled and Badgered by a performer she once Tutored, Trusted & Titilated, in her heartfelt video she admitted "I've never been the type to just kneel down and keep my mouth shut, that's one of the things MC Ulterior really liked about me"

Lewd love rat MC Ulterior, leaked his penis onto the web

THE STUN contacted lawyer to the stars Mrs Dee Nials who only yesterday was adamant that the leaked material was "utterly fake" in a brief telephone conversation she refused to accept that it was indeed her we were talking to and said she'd never heard of any Tulisa, especially one whose surname was such a mouthful, "what injunctions are you talking about? I have no idea what any of this means, what's a solicitor?" she told us, allegedly

Warren Street her agent was unrepentant that he'd categorically denied Tulisa's involvement in the sex tape only yesterday, he told THE STUN this morning "I was gobbing off yesterday, I lied to protect my client, I thought it would quickly blow over and coming clean was not the way a head"

X Factor judge Tulisa finished off her confessional video saying "If you're gonna judge me yeah like now you can judge us both you get me, and remember yeah, when you judge someone yeah, it don't define the person you is judging yeah, it defines you innit" great news for all future X Factor contestants

All's well that ends well however, Tulisa is getting offers of work from lollypop & vacuum cleaner  manufacturers, meanwhile her raunchy video has been nominated for a prestigious MOBLO award

Tulisa Gets "Gagging Order" On Her Deepthroat Video

The XXX Factor


 Sex mad X Factor judge and former Nudubz star Tulisa Contostavrobabbadobolou has denied all claims that her ex boyfriend's 7 minute long deepthroat video of her is 100% real, the 25 year old sex kitten from Camden told THE STUN "I've never deepthroated a dong like that as I have always had a problem with gag reflex, I'm not even a blonde either I'm half Greek so it's definately not me playing the pink oboe in that stolen blowjob video of me though you get me bruv yeah"

Almost certainly not Tulisa Felating a phallus in her 100% faked Tulisa Sex Tape

The deeply explicit sex tape allegedly shows "The female boss" expertly performing a sordid act of oral willy worship on an unseen member of her band, MOFO award winning Nudubz. In a shocking tweet her estranged cousin & former bandmate Dippy (Real name Constantinos Constantinopoulosides) revealed "JUST SO EVERY 1 KNWS, ME AND FACIALER HAVE F***ED MANY B****ES 2 GETHER, SO I AM CLEARLY STATING THAT THE C**K IN T'S ALLEGED SEX TAPE IS FACIALERS," Rapper Facialer (Real name Dick Rawshaft) was unavailable today to deny the identity of his penis. 

Tasty Tulisa with "the ex" Facialer, his penor is definately not on the Internets

 Lawyer to the stars Mrs. Dee Nials of Argue & Phibbs Solicitors released the following statement "A very rude video has been removed from internet servers following our swift action on behalf of our client Ms Cunto ... Ms Cuntstab .... Tulisa opoulos, although our client is paying us to do this we must stress that it is definately, 100% emphatically not her starring in the deep throat video and even if it somehow was her it is all faked with CGI and stunt doubles anyway, any claims to the contrary will be prosecuted to the full length of the law" 

The expensive trans-Atlantic gagging order has immediately ensured that no copies of Tulisa's alleged porn video can ever be seen by Nudubz fans anywhere on the Internets again.  

The ex facked her

THE STUN contacted her agent Warren Street who further denied her involvement in this or any other internet porn, "This is a photoshopped porn flick designed to cash in on the fame of a demure X-Factor judge and Tulisa just isn't going to swallow it, she is horrified that someone would go to the extreme lengths of fabricating a deepthroat video. It is absolutely not her. Tulisa has categorically never allowed anyone to film her having sex because she has never actually had any kind of sex with anyone ever"


Editor of the THE STUN and close family friend Richard Littlecock said "I'm confident this is a genuine fake, we once hacked her voicemails and know for a fact, she'd never eat a dick, Tulisa is a confirmed vagitarian, oh and that rampant dildo they found buzzing in her baggage at the airport is definately her friends too"

GREEN WITH ENVY OVER TRANNY

Luscious Lindsey "Bumped" For Elderly He-She


They couldn't make it up! on April 4th The carbon-hating "Green Party" are hosting a charity fundraiser headlined by telly comic Alistair McGowan, Lovely lady comic Roberta Lindsey was delighted to be one of a pair of token female comedians invited by greens to perform 10 minutes of stand-up on their politically correct "diverse" comedy bill

"I was really excited to be doing this as I once dated a guy who drove a big diesel Range Rover and he was such a cock" said leggy Lindsey (29) of Tooting "I didn't want money or anything, just a chance to do a charity gig and meet that rich bloke off the telly"

Roberta Lindsey, Comedienne

Imagine lusty Lindsey's horror when she received an email saying she'd been bumped off the bill because two girly gagsters were one too many..... and an elderly tranny was being brought in "to properly balance the evenings Diversity"


"I was gobsmacked, getting bumped off the bill for having a fanny is one thing but being replaced by some old queen who has a pretend pussy is really rubbing salt into the gash" 


THE STUN quickly contacted mean greeny Chris Peeduck, sender of the "Dear Jayne" email to jilted sex kitten Roberta (36 24 34) "Don't shoot the messenger" said grovelling Peeduck in a lengthy apology email "...as a party that is concerned with all things earthy, Roberta was just deemed too mainstream for our diverse comedy eco-system and whilst the other comedy bird we have isn't as funny as lipsmackingly gorgeous Lindsey she's got the frumpier stage persona and the shorter haircut that our predominantly transgender / transexual / transvestite voters would identify with"

Wilma Fingerdoo, Funny Tranny

Silver Fox Comedy Award Winner, Wilma Fingerdoo (67) from Penge, who replaced Rampant Roberta on the bill said "It's political correctness gone mad! Lindsey's really funny for a chick, she's smoking hot too, I'd do her, I've still got me tackle and everything"

Lucas Caroline M.P, Chief Greenmeister Boss

In a swift condemnation of "Communications Officer" Peeduck's crass and inappropriate treatment of the artistically sensitive Lindsey, green party leader Lucas Caroline (who was himself born a female) blurted "It's nowt to do wi' us lads, Peeduck can be a right knob-end when he talks to comics cos he automatically thinks they get his attempts at humour, he's allus bin shite at chattin' t't birds an all 'appen......T'green party is rayt proper disgusted wi' 'im, seethee by heckers like"

Chris Peeduck, Green Meanie

Media Director Mark Cringe said "That rude bastard again.....why am I not surprised? it's a blue party that rude fucker wants to be in not a green one, honestly what a cunt, no offence!"

PIGS SWOOP ON INNOCENT REPORTERS

Fuzz Raid Journalists Homes In Search Of Bribes

Five innocent employees of THE STUN had their privacy invaded by the filth this morning as scuffers from the Old Bill's "Serious Bung Squad" set about looking for brown envelopes in their homes

The raids follow a series of recent scandals over allegedly dodgy news gathering practices, like phone hacking, copper bribing and making shit up

Four of our innocent reporters remain in Babylon custody after one was set free and given a ride home by an unnamed PCSO via a Barclays cash machine. The arrests, part of the Operation Elveden probe into cash payments to the bizzies in return for scandalous stories, had to be carried out by specialist elite rozzers who hadn't already received any media bribes.

At a Scotland Yard press conference, Detective Inspector Dick Smart refused to comment to the new journalistic faces that showed up, saying only "Where is your sub-editor Willy this morning? usually I only talk to Willy at THE STUN, oh heck, Willy hasn't been collared has he? I have to go..."

Former Chief Bluebottle Ali Disraeli said "I'm shocked, we have the best media in the whole whole whole wide world and undeniably the best police force money can buy"

Ali Disraeli, Former Chief Cuntstubble

THE STUN employees we spoke to this morning were concerned they were now involved in something of a witch-hunt, shocked journalist Elvira Blair & puzzled picture editor Glinda Eastwick said "They've removed all the black cats from the office and are building a ducking stool outside by the pond, we're terrified"

News Corporation is said to have kicked off the whole "Cash for News" scandal in retaliation for the Plods shoddy handling of pie flinging terrorist Johnnie Marbles who recently assaulted chairman Rupert Murdoch, Mr. Murdoch's News Corp is the parent company of News International which owns the THE STUN and the Times.

Last month, four former and current journalists from THE STUN and a Metropolitan Police Peeler were arrested as part of the inquiry and released on bail, ironically a process which also involves handing over large sums of money to public officials

The arrested journalists were former deputy editor Fergus Creamer, former managing editor Graham Bach-Anders, crime editor Mike Bonus and head of news Chris Packet.

Asked if he knew what the heck was going on, Lib Dem M.P. gay mayoral candidate and former Met bullyboy Brian Padlock said "Operation Elveden is being overseen by the IPCC, running alongside the Met's Operation Weeting inquiry into phone hacking at the now-defunked News of the World, I'm outraged, the force isn't what it used to be" Brian was once the UK's only openly bent copper

Boasting about her staff, gobby Police chief Cressida Cox-Hucker said "More than 20 arrests have so far been made as part of Operation Elveden, no bungs have been recovered"

SCOOP!

Racists are thick!


A recent report shows a dramatic increase in the number of thick white chavie people being filmed by ethnic minorities on public transport, this latest craze amongst British born inner city yoot is called "Cracker Baiting"

Tyrone (not his real name) revealed all in a secret interview with THE STUN... "Basically right, innit, you know what I mean yeah, like, basically right, yeah, you like spot a well fick whitey yeah and like you diss dem and like wind them honkeys right up an ting yeah and like then you gets out your crackberry and say "You aint got the bottle to call me a Pa*i or even a Ni**er... is it snowflake, then you press record..."

Emma West, Thick person

During the shocking interview Tyrone (not his real name) goes on to say "blud it's like bare funny, specially if they is on crack or pissed up as well as proper fick though, I got this one bitch to chat shit about black & brown people and a bunch of Polish, elle oh elle, now the dumb honkey's doing time innit" Tyrone's brother Junior (not his real name) added, "It's like well important that you just shut up and let dem rant though you get me?, arxsk your fam to like video you with a look of proper alarm, harassment & distress on your face and BINGO, they is well nicked"

Video sharing website Poohtube has been inundated with similar videos of thick white people ranting on trains, trams and buses ever since Tyrone's cracker baiting "My Croydon Experience" video got 280,000,000 views earning him £29,000 a week in shared advertising revenues

"I just put on a whack Nigerian accent and chatted shit about us coming over here coz snowflake chav muppets are too lazy to do shit jobs like a tram driver or sank, nex fing you know she's screaming about her British country, elle oh elle, I was bare happy but acted all outraged for the cameras isn't it" Tyrone continued

PC Dick Smart of British Transport Police said "If ethnic minority youths are rapping along to their sod cast tunes on public transport it is perfectly OK for them to say Ni**er, my advice to any crackers annoyed by this is to keep your dirty mouths shut, if you say it back we will hunt you down and put you in jail where all thick racist scumbags belong, everyone knows it's fine for them to say it but not you, if you don't understand that you're just too thick to be out loose on public transport & we lock thick people up"

If you have any funny "racist" footage of thick white people ranting on & on about black & brown people or the Polish, please call Crimestoppers on 0898 696969 immediately, you can do this anonymously and still win a prize

SAMMY'S TITS

Sammy's tits are ace!

Yes! stunning 46 year old Sammy from Billericay still has beautiful bouncing melons, asked what her secret to busty beauty was, Sammy told THE STUN ....

"I use the body shop's fair trade "Titty Butter" every evening, Oh and I bought a good bra when I was 16 to stop them swinging around and drooping, I've only ever taken it off for a quick shag & the odd photo-shoot and that's truly helped to keep my top-bollocks tip-top too, now all those years of bra use seem to have paid off " Saucy Sammy goes on..... "when I look at all my midde aged friends with their droopy spaniels ears I have to smile, mind you, I still have a clunge like a clowns pocket, hahaha!"

Sexy Sammy during her telephone interview with THE STUN

EXCLUSIVE

STUN EXCLUSIVE

"Whores have sex with clients"


Investigative journalists from THE STUN can today reveal the shocking results of their latest sting operation, our undie cover reporters set up liaisons with a number of so called "call girls" we found advertising services such as "massage" & "correction" on cards in pubic phone boxes

After handing them large sums of money, often as much as several hundreds of pounds per hour, we discovered the shocking TRUTH...... that they were actually willing to have hardcore saucy romps with total strangers in exchange for more cash!


Willy (not his real name) our sub-editor received saucy BDSM style spankings from middle aged buxom dominatrix "Shirley" in exchange for £400, a whole months wage for our brave boys in Afghanistan!


Horrified Willy (not his real name) said, "it brings a whole new meaning to my title of  SUB editor, what really shocked me was the state of "Shirley" when I met her, she insisted the young, fit, attractive minx in her advert was a "genuine photo" I told her it must have been taken 20 years ago before she got addicted to cream horns, at this point the fat mingy trollope had me over her voluptuous knee and was thrashing my poor buttocks into submission, the things I do to bring you STUN readers THE TRUTH!"


The nations favourite red-top now also has a red-bottom (Ed)