Friday 23 March 2012

COWARDLY SCUFFERS MURDER FAMILY PET

Pigs kill Scoobie - EXCLUSIVE!


Five coppers from the Met Police's elite ASBO unit are today in hospital with "life changing" injuries after a bungled raid on the East London home of a notorious graffiti artist, Eyewitnesses told THE STUN that 7 buzzed up bizzies had battered through the front door dressed in menacing para-military uniforms and were then heard screaming "Armed police, open the door" when terrified family pet Scoobie, a 1 year old Labradoodle sprang to her owners defence. Police confirmed the swoop was part of Operation Big Wang, a major Scotland Yard purge on easy to prosecute offences ranging from skateboarding and graffiti to public urination.


Scoobie, shot only four times at point blank range by a highly skilled CO19 marksman

Horrific video footage captured on a neighbours mobile phone shows several PETrified rozzers jumping onto a 3 foot high wall as Scoobie angrily growled and snapped at their colleagues, PC Jack Russell can be heard screaming "Help me help me! get this bitch off me" as his pepper spray wielding colleagues scatter in all directions and a PCSO is seen jumping onto a nearby car roof causing criminal damage


Brave bluebottles dive for the safety of high ground as Scoobie defends his home

The stand off continued in what was described as a "Sustained attack" over 30 minutes with Scoobie chasing barton wielding, Tazer toting peelers up walls and onto cars until the Tactical Support Group arrived and performed a controversial "kennelling" manoeuvre, finally pinning the petrified pooch down under a wall of riot shields, moments later a skilled marksman from CO19 arrived and took just four shots from a Barret .50 calibre rifle to humanely execute the pinned down puppy

Chief Inspector Dick Smart of Barking C.I.D. told THE STUN "due to some faulty intelligence we did not plan for or train our officers to deal with any type of canine that would defend it's home against a sudden forced entrance by 7 armed and screaming men, if these police budget cuts continue we may end up having to employ some dogs ourselves as they are probably cheaper than the PCSO's we currently have to use"

THE STUN has learned from 73 year old neighbour Jermaine Shepherd that the deceased Labradoodle was a well known risk, "I have reported that dirty bitch to the council countless times for persistent fouling but nothing was ever done, now they're sorry, I told them it would all end up in a big stinking mess, I feel vindicated" he said

Sergeant Springer who led the initial raid was treated for shock after the ordeal, he told THE STUN "when that ferocious beast grabbed my colleague I just ran, I'll probably be hounded for not doing more to save them but I'm only earning £46k a year and now that we no longer get to top up our income with tax free "Tips" from tabloid journalists there's just no way I'm getting hurt for such a pittance, they'll probably have a bone to pick with me when they get back from their 6 months sick leave but that's just life in 21st century Barking"

Bloodbath, a Newham street becomes a river of Labradoodle blood after pets public execution

5 members of a Bahamian pop group were later remanded in custody after an anonymous tip off on the crimeshoppers snitch line, the unidentified caller claimed he knew for a fact that it was definitely the Baha Men "who let the dogs out"

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