GREEN WITH ENVY OVER TRANNY

Luscious Lindsey "Bumped" For Elderly He-She


They couldn't make it up! on April 4th The carbon-hating "Green Party" are hosting a charity fundraiser headlined by telly comic Alistair McGowan, Lovely lady comic Roberta Lindsey was delighted to be one of a pair of token female comedians invited by greens to perform 10 minutes of stand-up on their politically correct "diverse" comedy bill

"I was really excited to be doing this as I once dated a guy who drove a big diesel Range Rover and he was such a cock" said leggy Lindsey (29) of Tooting "I didn't want money or anything, just a chance to do a charity gig and meet that rich bloke off the telly"

Roberta Lindsey, Comedienne

Imagine lusty Lindsey's horror when she received an email saying she'd been bumped off the bill because two girly gagsters were one too many..... and an elderly tranny was being brought in "to properly balance the evenings Diversity"


"I was gobsmacked, getting bumped off the bill for having a fanny is one thing but being replaced by some old queen who has a pretend pussy is really rubbing salt into the gash" 


THE STUN quickly contacted mean greeny Chris Peeduck, sender of the "Dear Jayne" email to jilted sex kitten Roberta (36 24 34) "Don't shoot the messenger" said grovelling Peeduck in a lengthy apology email "...as a party that is concerned with all things earthy, Roberta was just deemed too mainstream for our diverse comedy eco-system and whilst the other comedy bird we have isn't as funny as lipsmackingly gorgeous Lindsey she's got the frumpier stage persona and the shorter haircut that our predominantly transgender / transexual / transvestite voters would identify with"

Wilma Fingerdoo, Funny Tranny

Silver Fox Comedy Award Winner, Wilma Fingerdoo (67) from Penge, who replaced Rampant Roberta on the bill said "It's political correctness gone mad! Lindsey's really funny for a chick, she's smoking hot too, I'd do her, I've still got me tackle and everything"

Lucas Caroline M.P, Chief Greenmeister Boss

In a swift condemnation of "Communications Officer" Peeduck's crass and inappropriate treatment of the artistically sensitive Lindsey, green party leader Lucas Caroline (who was himself born a female) blurted "It's nowt to do wi' us lads, Peeduck can be a right knob-end when he talks to comics cos he automatically thinks they get his attempts at humour, he's allus bin shite at chattin' t't birds an all 'appen......T'green party is rayt proper disgusted wi' 'im, seethee by heckers like"

Chris Peeduck, Green Meanie

Media Director Mark Cringe said "That rude bastard again.....why am I not surprised? it's a blue party that rude fucker wants to be in not a green one, honestly what a cunt, no offence!"

PIGS SWOOP ON INNOCENT REPORTERS

Fuzz Raid Journalists Homes In Search Of Bribes

Five innocent employees of THE STUN had their privacy invaded by the filth this morning as scuffers from the Old Bill's "Serious Bung Squad" set about looking for brown envelopes in their homes

The raids follow a series of recent scandals over allegedly dodgy news gathering practices, like phone hacking, copper bribing and making shit up

Four of our innocent reporters remain in Babylon custody after one was set free and given a ride home by an unnamed PCSO via a Barclays cash machine. The arrests, part of the Operation Elveden probe into cash payments to the bizzies in return for scandalous stories, had to be carried out by specialist elite rozzers who hadn't already received any media bribes.

At a Scotland Yard press conference, Detective Inspector Dick Smart refused to comment to the new journalistic faces that showed up, saying only "Where is your sub-editor Willy this morning? usually I only talk to Willy at THE STUN, oh heck, Willy hasn't been collared has he? I have to go..."

Former Chief Bluebottle Ali Disraeli said "I'm shocked, we have the best media in the whole whole whole wide world and undeniably the best police force money can buy"

Ali Disraeli, Former Chief Cuntstubble

THE STUN employees we spoke to this morning were concerned they were now involved in something of a witch-hunt, shocked journalist Elvira Blair & puzzled picture editor Glinda Eastwick said "They've removed all the black cats from the office and are building a ducking stool outside by the pond, we're terrified"

News Corporation is said to have kicked off the whole "Cash for News" scandal in retaliation for the Plods shoddy handling of pie flinging terrorist Johnnie Marbles who recently assaulted chairman Rupert Murdoch, Mr. Murdoch's News Corp is the parent company of News International which owns the THE STUN and the Times.

Last month, four former and current journalists from THE STUN and a Metropolitan Police Peeler were arrested as part of the inquiry and released on bail, ironically a process which also involves handing over large sums of money to public officials

The arrested journalists were former deputy editor Fergus Creamer, former managing editor Graham Bach-Anders, crime editor Mike Bonus and head of news Chris Packet.

Asked if he knew what the heck was going on, Lib Dem M.P. gay mayoral candidate and former Met bullyboy Brian Padlock said "Operation Elveden is being overseen by the IPCC, running alongside the Met's Operation Weeting inquiry into phone hacking at the now-defunked News of the World, I'm outraged, the force isn't what it used to be" Brian was once the UK's only openly bent copper

Boasting about her staff, gobby Police chief Cressida Cox-Hucker said "More than 20 arrests have so far been made as part of Operation Elveden, no bungs have been recovered"

SCOOP!

Racists are thick!


A recent report shows a dramatic increase in the number of thick white chavie people being filmed by ethnic minorities on public transport, this latest craze amongst British born inner city yoot is called "Cracker Baiting"

Tyrone (not his real name) revealed all in a secret interview with THE STUN... "Basically right, innit, you know what I mean yeah, like, basically right, yeah, you like spot a well fick whitey yeah and like you diss dem and like wind them honkeys right up an ting yeah and like then you gets out your crackberry and say "You aint got the bottle to call me a Pa*i or even a Ni**er... is it snowflake, then you press record..."

Emma West, Thick person

During the shocking interview Tyrone (not his real name) goes on to say "blud it's like bare funny, specially if they is on crack or pissed up as well as proper fick though, I got this one bitch to chat shit about black & brown people and a bunch of Polish, elle oh elle, now the dumb honkey's doing time innit" Tyrone's brother Junior (not his real name) added, "It's like well important that you just shut up and let dem rant though you get me?, arxsk your fam to like video you with a look of proper alarm, harassment & distress on your face and BINGO, they is well nicked"

Video sharing website Poohtube has been inundated with similar videos of thick white people ranting on trains, trams and buses ever since Tyrone's cracker baiting "My Croydon Experience" video got 280,000,000 views earning him £29,000 a week in shared advertising revenues

"I just put on a whack Nigerian accent and chatted shit about us coming over here coz snowflake chav muppets are too lazy to do shit jobs like a tram driver or sank, nex fing you know she's screaming about her British country, elle oh elle, I was bare happy but acted all outraged for the cameras isn't it" Tyrone continued

PC Dick Smart of British Transport Police said "If ethnic minority youths are rapping along to their sod cast tunes on public transport it is perfectly OK for them to say Ni**er, my advice to any crackers annoyed by this is to keep your dirty mouths shut, if you say it back we will hunt you down and put you in jail where all thick racist scumbags belong, everyone knows it's fine for them to say it but not you, if you don't understand that you're just too thick to be out loose on public transport & we lock thick people up"

If you have any funny "racist" footage of thick white people ranting on & on about black & brown people or the Polish, please call Crimestoppers on 0898 696969 immediately, you can do this anonymously and still win a prize

SAMMY'S TITS

Sammy's tits are ace!

Yes! stunning 46 year old Sammy from Billericay still has beautiful bouncing melons, asked what her secret to busty beauty was, Sammy told THE STUN ....

"I use the body shop's fair trade "Titty Butter" every evening, Oh and I bought a good bra when I was 16 to stop them swinging around and drooping, I've only ever taken it off for a quick shag & the odd photo-shoot and that's truly helped to keep my top-bollocks tip-top too, now all those years of bra use seem to have paid off " Saucy Sammy goes on..... "when I look at all my midde aged friends with their droopy spaniels ears I have to smile, mind you, I still have a clunge like a clowns pocket, hahaha!"

Sexy Sammy during her telephone interview with THE STUN

EXCLUSIVE

STUN EXCLUSIVE

"Whores have sex with clients"


Investigative journalists from THE STUN can today reveal the shocking results of their latest sting operation, our undie cover reporters set up liaisons with a number of so called "call girls" we found advertising services such as "massage" & "correction" on cards in pubic phone boxes

After handing them large sums of money, often as much as several hundreds of pounds per hour, we discovered the shocking TRUTH...... that they were actually willing to have hardcore saucy romps with total strangers in exchange for more cash!


Willy (not his real name) our sub-editor received saucy BDSM style spankings from middle aged buxom dominatrix "Shirley" in exchange for £400, a whole months wage for our brave boys in Afghanistan!


Horrified Willy (not his real name) said, "it brings a whole new meaning to my title of  SUB editor, what really shocked me was the state of "Shirley" when I met her, she insisted the young, fit, attractive minx in her advert was a "genuine photo" I told her it must have been taken 20 years ago before she got addicted to cream horns, at this point the fat mingy trollope had me over her voluptuous knee and was thrashing my poor buttocks into submission, the things I do to bring you STUN readers THE TRUTH!"


The nations favourite red-top now also has a red-bottom (Ed)