Paedo Comedian Says He's Safe To Come Back

THE STUN has learned that disgraced stand-up comedian, Russell "Monkeywithagunn" Haynes is vowing to make his comedy comeback, 6 months after going into hiding following revelations of his secret double life as "Russmandingo" A Black BDSM Master Dominator with a disturbingly noncey appetite for white teenaged schoolboy "slaves"

Devious Diddler Russmandingo, once a notoriously active open mic act on the stand-up up circuit was exposed as a convicted level 5 Schoolboy noncer by creepy Mediterranean open mic comic and super-grass "Cheeky Cinzano" back in February 2015

Cheeky Cinzano revealed to the comedy circuit that he'd been searching the internet quite innocently for "Black Man on White Boy Bondage Porn" when a clip of Russ Haynes automatically started playing on his laptop, "The porn was very kinky" said Cinzano who is known mainly for dancing about in public wearing only a tight womans G-string, "I had to stop watching it after about seven minoots when the white boy being spanked cried out that he was only 15"

Haynes, "The Camberwell Cracker Smacker" as he'd styled himself, was sentenced to 2 years in 2008 for filming himself spanking the boy, a pupil at his gymnastics club whom he'd groomed for several years, frequently dressing the lad up in ladies underwear before tying him up for twisted BDSM sessions

Spanky Spanky!

Haynes' comedy agent Sherlock Watson of "The Laughing Paed" immediately dropped him in a press statement after the story broke on Feb 1st 2015, Watson condemned all acts of black on white paedophilia before going on to shamelessly plug his comedy clubs once he'd sniffed the ensuing free publicity, "I'm not being racist" Claimed Watson in a lengthy press release, "BUT....this isn't the first time I've had trouble with an ethnic comedian"

The story was covered by all the major newspapers except The Guardian who's intern Marc Burrows told THE STUN "A black, disabled, gay, paedophile comedian isn't of interest to our liberal metropolitan readership, it's the kind of thing you'd read about in the Daily Mail" 

Youtuber Monkeywithagunn & Product Placement?

In February 2015 Russmandingo was widely denounced by most of his fellow open-mic comic friends, "I'm moving back to 'Merca where I can use ma guns to kill these peddoes" said Duke Crapassole, one of many foreign comedians appearing in Haynes' collection of Instagram selfies

Haynes outraged the comedy community when the scandal first broke by issuing a number of rambling, self indulgent statements, all of them portraying himself as the victim in these sordid events before going on to casually state that after this "one moment of madness" he is now a totally changed man "There are lots of positives" said Haynes in one of his ramblings "Without this I wouldn't have met my wife and had my 2 kids, I'm writing an Edinburgh show about it in order to help other people realise that you can nonce a kid and still have a life in the spotlight after it"

Glenda Sheeman, "It's a diabolical liberty!" 

 
Trans Comedian and social justice campaigner Glenda Sheeman took to Twitter to exclaim "It's a diabolical Liberty! two years he got for noncing a kid! if a white comedian nonced a black, gay, disabled kid he'd get 25 to life! #everydayracism"

After feeling the weight of the February 2015 backlash, unrepentant pervert Haynes finally did the sensible thing, deleting all of his many social media accounts including his Youtube Monkeywithagunn channel, selling his Camberwell flat next to the leisure centre where he ran his grooming sessions and buying a large house in cheap Gillingham Kent with the proceeds

Laying low for 6 months was obviously in his business plan, he attempted to re-emerge onto the comedy scene this week after re-activitang his twitter and Youtube accounts and re-upping his previously removed website at www.monkeywithagunn.com

A disgusting Youtube video followed, filmed ironically in a child's bedroom, where Russ "Monkeywithagunn" a.k.a. Russalingo Haynes boasted about the lucrative sale of his Camberwell flat and the purchase of his "Huge House" in the Gillingham area before once again making out that he was the poor unfortunate victim of some awful racist "Witch Hunt" in February 2015, an event he claims was started by his vendetta with super grass and comedy creep "Cheeky Cinzano"

Haynes added insult to delusional injury by vowing to return to the stand-up comedy scene with the same "It wasn't a big deal, I've got over it" attitude to his white kid noncing crimes that so outraged the comedy circuit half a year ago, the sinister, overall message of his video being "Yeah, I was convicted of kiddie diddling, it doesn't define me"

Paedo Russ Haynes YouTubing from a child's bedroom complete with Yew tree mural

Once again, Paedobuster "Cheeky Cinzano" was on the case, Russalingo continued to protest too much that his penchant for dominating young teen white boy slaves was a thing of the past, Cheeky Cinzano in his best super-grass mode Googled the following CONDEMNING EVIDENCE that proves categorically, our unrepentant racist white child spanker Russalingo Haynes is still compulsively desirous of a young white teen boys arse to sordidly tie up and spank!

Racist Paedo Russ Haynes doesn't want to nonce a black boy

"It's nothing to do with payback for centuries of slavery" said an outraged Glenda Sheeman, "it's everything to do with these Guardian reading lentil eaters who'll try to murder Dapper Laughs for his working class humour and then fall over themselves apologising for a deaf, gay, black comedian child molester"

 

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Controversial Dapper Laughs Murders Cheryl Cole & Rapes Her Corpse During Offensive Comeback Show

The supposed funny man didn't hold back during his comeback show - WARNING OFFENSIVE CONTENT 

Dapper Laughs & Cheryl Fernandez-Versini-Cole Shortly Before Her Killing

 Cocky Lad Comic Dapper Laughs resurrected his sexist, racist, homophobic & misogynist "character" comedy last night at a sell out concert for his evil fans, 500 nasty Dapper fans paid nearly £30 each for standing room only tickets where they watched him film his upcoming DVD, rumoured to be called "Let's Bum-Rape Feminism"

At the opening of the show, the shamed, banned and outlawed comedian told the media "you lied about my show being axed, now I'm axing your beloved Cheryl"

Moments after WAG and former popster Cheryl stepped on stage she was ruthlessly struck down with an axe to cheers and applause from baying fans, in a shocking twist to the horror, bloodstained murderer Dapper, real name Daniel O'Really, waited 10 minutes before then having kinky UNPROTECTED SEX with her beautifully tattooed corpse to cries of "Too many gash" and "Cheryl's Proper Moist" from the frenzied, drunk and drug fuelled audience

Dapper Laughs Goose-Steps Across The Stage & Seig Heils His Right Wing Fans Like a Possible Nazi

Inexplicably, the well publicised show was not picketed by any of the 26,000,000 radical feminists and 37 jealous, shit comedians who had trolled and harassed Dapper and his family online and set up hate mobs, twitter storms and petitions against him to try and damage his lucrative career and bully him off TV

Katie Hopkins Supporting Mass Murderer and Fan of "Genocide Culture" Dapper Laughs

EVIL Posh Tory Bitch Katie Hopkins mocked the poor outraged feminists who hadn't managed to get a single member to show up in protest, cruelly calling them "weird hairy women that stink of rotting kippers" in a retweet of broadcaster Martin Daubney's explaining that most of the people queuing to see the notorious misogynist "Lad Comic" were actually sexually attractive young women

Middle Class Lefty Comedian Daniel Toss, definitely not perpetuating "Rape Culture"

Glenda Sheeman, Trans Comedian "It's a diabolical liberty!"

In an after show interview, Family friendly comic and winner of the Abused Moose Hot Middle Class Starlet Award Daniel Dross said "Good evening Clapham! Are we well??? This is an outrage! comedy shouldn't be about misogyny or perpetuate the patriarchy and "rape culture"
I would never do any gags about women because females and girls and ladies are precious and deserve not to hear any jokes about rape, rape is bad! people shouldn't rape other people, it's like really really bad! I'm from a shit town, give me a cheer if you've ever tried internet dating!"







Trans Comedian of the year 1986 Glenda Sheeman said in an interview on BBC Radio 4's Today Program

"I heard a lot about this lad and his laddish lad culture shtick, at first I thought it was all just jealous lefty feminazis and sanctimonious  media spin, you know, because he's a handsome working class boy who's made his way to the top by himself in a fraction of the time it takes traditional comedians to get paid or famous, but fuck me, I can't believe he's done a stiffy live on stage, that's gone beyond a joke, this time he's pushed the envelope a bit too far, necrophilia never was funny, not even back in the old days, not even up North! Poor Cheryl, what with Dapper and Ashley she never had much luck with these Turtle Neck Mugs, R.I.P. Cheryl, the X-Factor is fucking ruined now, Dapper Laughs you absolute cunt!" 

Undercover Mirror Celeb Journalists Getting Moisturised At Dapper Laughs Celebrity Meet N Greet Titty Signing

After the show ended about 300 moist female Dapper fans queued up to buy his controversial  GASHTAG merchandise from him at a celebrity tits and T-shirts signing and have their photos taken whilst kissing, hugging and groping the outrageous Lad "character" 

Two of these fans were later revealed to be undercover celebrity journalist Katy Forresthair and her boss who had taken a night off from their usual phone hacking at MIRROR CELEB to get close to the "Lad" they love to write gossip about, Dapper later said "They were proper moist, wanted T-shirt and titties signed and the code to my dressing room, I gave them a duff one for bantz, Oiiiii Oi!"

The moist Journalists went away vowing revenge and dreamt up this silly poll in defiance

Backfired Mirror Celebrity Poll LOL

For the bigger picture buy the Dapper Laughs DVD.... pre-order here

PAEDO POLICE CLOSE TO BREAKTHROUGH IN JIMMY SAVILE CASE

London's Met police have announced that their war on paedophile 1970's pop jockeys is almost won as the net around wanted kiddydiddler Jimmy Savile continues to tighten

17 members of Savile's family have been arrested and charged with attempting to pervert the course of  justice as it was revealed that they destroyed a huge granite marker stone that may have provided crucial clues as to the whereabouts of Britain's most wanted charity fundraiser

At a Met Police press conference this morning Commander Peter Shindler, head of "Operation Yewtree" assured the public that Savile was now "a definate paedo, possibly the worlds biggest ever" and went on to say he would soon be brought to justice alongside the many other Paedo DJ's on his list

"We have 976 officers working on operation yewtree now following 557 lines of inquiry, some of the hundreds of calls to the national accident helpline have claimed that other 70's celebrities were also involved so we've had to split yewtree into three different camps, we can't explain why for confidentiality reasons but we're calling them JIMMY SAVILE, JIMMY SAVILE AND OTHERS and simply OTHERS"

Meanwhile fugitive patron of 29 separate charities and raiser of almost £50,000,000 for worthy causes, Jimmy Savile, released a new pop video mocking those hundreds of officers who have been reassigned from fighting present day crime and sent back to investigate alleged "incidents" from the 1950's 60's & 70's

Sergeant Pete O'Foyle from Scotland Yard's "allegations from the 70's squad" today arrested an unnamed 67 year old radio personality after 2 hysterical women suddenly remembered that he had allegedly "jiggled" their boobs 41 years ago, in further shocking revelations it transpired that one of these incidents happened on BBC premises where hundreds of kiddies are now alleged to have been diddled

"I will not be drawn on the identity of this famous BBC Radio 1 breakfast show presenter from 1978 to 1980" said Sgt Pete O'Foyle "we do however have a number of photographs and video clips of him WITH Jimmy Savile on paedo pop show POP-OFF-THEIR-TOPS so we have no doubt that he is a diddler"

WORRIED : Dave Lee Travis, Jimmy Savile & Freddie Starr Last Week

Sgt O'Foyle is also credited with the arrest of Dodgy Hamster eating Scouser Freddie Star and more recently 70's glam rock icon Gary Glitter following hundreds of compensation claims from elderly cash-strapped  women who were groupies and teenyboppers in the 1960's & 70's

"When I finally felt Gary Glitter's huge flamboyant collar I had no doubt that I had taken out the leader of this prolific, predatory gang" O'Foyle went on to say, "several of these of pop pushing paedos are now believed to have belonged to a PIRATE organisation, codenamed CAROLINE"

Asked if he had a message for Philanthropist, Charity Patron & Public Safety Film Superstar Jimmy Savile, Sgt O'Foyle issued this appeal

"Give yourself up Savile, we know where you are and we know what your motorhome looks like, we have hundreds of officers out looking for you and the BBC has three separate inquiries ongoing, you can't hide for much longer, we demand justice for all these diddled groupies and they have fixed it for you"

A fellow BBC Radio DJ released the following statement "for decades paedophile DJ's at the BBC have been hiding in plain sight, it simply beggars belief that the blatantly obvious clues to their darker side were ignored for so long, it is now time to wake up to the glaringly obvious evidence, the police must bring all these perverts to justice or my name isn't David 'KID' Jensen"

MET POLICE ARE RACIST PIGS!

SHOCKING RACE HATE SCANDAL


In a startling revelation this week THE STUN has heard recordings of a number of nasty racist pigs calling various people they were roughing up, vile racist names from the 1960's such as N***er, Da**ie & Ju**** B***y

Investigative reporters have learned that up to 20 scuffers from London's notorious Metropolitan Police Farce are currently suspended for racially abusing a large number of innocent minority ethnics, this has lead to the growth in claims that most of London's bizzies are in fact nasty bigoted thugs

Shocking audio recorded by a 21 year old black youth who was stopped, restrained and beaten by a van load of overweight, overpaid bluebottles during London's recent race riots shows the extent of the racial abuse. PC Alex MacGriffin 52 is clearly heard ranting at the innocent youth "yeah I did strangle you c**t, don't hide behind your b***k skin, you'll always be a ni**er yeah"

Defiant PC MacGriffin told our crime editor Leroy Johnson "I didn't use N***er I called him N***ah and that's not racist at all, N***ahs use that term all the time, anyway I'm 52 so I remember Barnes Wallace's dog called N***er and at my nursery school we were taught eeny meeny money mo, I'm old school so they can't sack me, I'll sue them for loads of taxpayers money"


Whilst PC MacGriffin remains suspended on full pay the CPS (Copper Protection Service) have deemed his racial abuse to be lawful claiming that the totally innocent  21 year old black youth he handcuffed, choked and abused was NOT caused any "Alarm harassment or distress" by his actions, CPS lawyer Olorunfemi Arogbokun explained "We recently locked up a thick white woman for dissing black and brown people and a bunch of Polish on a tram in Croydon, some pissed up student in Wales went down for 2 months for N' wording a footballer from his B***kberry over Twitter, what PC MacGriffin did was OK though, not cos he's white, because he's in the Met"

We asked former top copper Brian Padlock who left the Met several years ago if he now liked black men? "I never got my hands on one, they run much faster than we can you know" he told us from his Mayoral election campaign office "It wasn't for lack of trying, I was always chasing them as a young Bobby, they're incredibly agile and very well hung" Padlock was an advocate of better diversity training whilst in the Met "It's always handy for the lads to be able to tell your Abdabs from your Spicks and your Daygos" he told us

Bernard Hogan-Manning, alleged chief racist

Chief rozzer Bernard Hogan-Manning spoke out against racists in his camp at a press conference this morning saying "I want to work for an organisation that doesn't hate any single ethnic group unfairly, my officers have been trained to hate all races equally and to report any of their colleagues targeting P**is, Ch***s or n*****s" after the press conference Mr. Hogan-Manning told THE STUN "I hate racism with a passion, my mother in law is as black as the ace of spades you know"

Commissioner Hogan-Manning assured reporters that his left hand man Sir Paul Condom and right hand woman Cresida Cox-Hucker had been tasked with ethnically cleansing the Met of all its racists, "I'm not condoning racism but most of the crooks we nick have some form of suntan, go figure" said Sir Paul, Ms Cox-Hucker told us "we're not a racist institution at all, we had that Ali Dizaei working here and he was as bent as an Arab corkscrew, these silly allegations of so-called racism are mostly made by n****r loving Jew boys who are only softening the force up for more of their nasty public spending cuts"

SEXIST COMEDY COMPETITION IN "PAY TO PLAY" SCANDAL

Women have the power to be funny..... for just £15


Sexist comedy promoter "Fanny Women" who last year sparked outrage and controversy by charging wannabe comediennes a whopping £15 entry fee to take part in their competition have become embroiled in a yet another scandal by still blatantly refusing to let any males, transvestites or male to female transsexuals enter their annual contest

You've got £15 and a fanny? then we'll let you try to be funny! 

In addition, THE STUN has learned from an undisclosed source that despite raising several hundred thousand pounds from Youtube adsense revenues AND three new sponsors the disgustingly controversial £15 pay to play entrance fee remains in place for yet another year!

Trans comic Glenda Sheeman, "it's a diabolical liberty!"

Outraged transsexual comic Glenda Sheeman told THE STUN "every year I try to enter the Fanny Women comp and each year get the same response, they don't want me or my £15 because I once possessed a penis, had I been a female to male transsexual I would have been accepted, it's blatant gender apartheid and a diabolical liberty, political correctness gone mad, you couldn't make this stuff up"

THE STUN put it to Fanny Women organiser Lynda Sheaffer that her competition not only exploited gullible women but was sexist towards men, Sheaffer retorted "Unless you have a GENUINE fanny you simply cannot enter our competition, end of story! it's called Fanny Women for a reason, regardless of recent gender reassignment breakthroughs we can't have comics with penises going around entering Fanny Women willy nilly"

Last years £15 entrance fee was seen by critics as exploiting naive, inexperienced and girly acts who had no real chance of actually being "funny" during the social media shitstorm that followed, Sarah Milliband, Sheppie Corrs-Hendy & Jo Coalfield all tweeted their disapproval at the huge entry fee, "£15 can feed a slim female comic for a month" Tweeted Coalfield, the former face of Fanny Women's website who urged hard-up lady comics to take their £15 down to Primark instead

Posh new act Roberta Lyndsey, yet another hissy fit

Posh Roberta Lyndsey an up and coming comedienne still reeling from her recent hissy fit over the effects of "diversity" on oppressed female open-micers told us "I was looking forward to doing this last year but the £15 entry fee came as a shocking deal breaker, my mum can't afford to keep supporting my starving artist lifestyle AND pay these exhorbitant fees as well, it's discrimination, shame on them, I'm very very cross, so cross that I shall write an angry blog about it!"

In 2011 Fanny Women sought to justify the £15 entry fee by claiming they had no sponsor to fund the bits of the contest that their huge audience revenues didn't cover, whilst that may have washed last year THE STUN has learned that they have attracted no less than THREE corporate sponsors for the 2012 competition!

Kiera Barley, MD at one of the sponsors, cosmetics brand BENEFIT said "The deal is perfect because our range of make-up also costs £15, there are many other brand value synergies, for example most of the Fanny Women acts are on benefits and like the myth that women can be funny our customers faces are "made up" too"

The Fanny Women competition also has an award for the best variety act which is sponsored by BLUE NUN wine. Julie Feral of the brand placement agency said "Sponsorship of sexist competitions connects people, Brand values are strengthened by it, the Blue Nun is also a woman and when she gets pissed on Liebfraumilch she's hilarious"

In a statement from the competitions other sponsor, Mrs. Shirley Tampax, Marketing director of sanitary protection brand LIBERTY panty liners said "bloody hell, we were unaware of this controversy but having thought about it, we can still align brand values synergistically, Comediennes are well known for their menstruation jokes and like the Fanny Women £15 entry fee our product is also a bleeding liberty" 

KERCHING! Fanny Women shaking that money maker

Rival "FREE ENTRY" comedy competitions are being set up in response to give men, trannies and the masses of women without the required three £5 notes a chance to be represented in what is still a very divisive,  exploitative and for some, highly lucrative art form

COWARDLY SCUFFERS MURDER FAMILY PET

Pigs kill Scoobie - EXCLUSIVE!


Five coppers from the Met Police's elite ASBO unit are today in hospital with "life changing" injuries after a bungled raid on the East London home of a notorious graffiti artist, Eyewitnesses told THE STUN that 7 buzzed up bizzies had battered through the front door dressed in menacing para-military uniforms and were then heard screaming "Armed police, open the door" when terrified family pet Scoobie, a 1 year old Labradoodle sprang to her owners defence. Police confirmed the swoop was part of Operation Big Wang, a major Scotland Yard purge on easy to prosecute offences ranging from skateboarding and graffiti to public urination.

Scoobie, shot only four times at point blank range by a highly skilled CO19 marksman

Horrific video footage captured on a neighbours mobile phone shows several PETrified rozzers jumping onto a 3 foot high wall as Scoobie angrily growled and snapped at their colleagues, PC Jack Russell can be heard screaming "Help me help me! get this bitch off me" as his pepper spray wielding colleagues scatter in all directions and a PCSO is seen jumping onto a nearby car roof causing criminal damage

Brave bluebottles dive for the safety of high ground as Scoobie defends his home

The stand off continued in what was described as a "Sustained attack" over 30 minutes with Scoobie chasing barton wielding, Tazer toting peelers up walls and onto cars until the Tactical Support Group arrived and performed a controversial "kennelling" manoeuvre, finally pinning the petrified pooch down under a wall of riot shields, moments later a skilled marksman from CO19 arrived and took just four shots from a Barret .50 calibre rifle to humanely execute the pinned down puppy

Chief Inspector Dick Smart of Barking C.I.D. told THE STUN "due to some faulty intelligence we did not plan for or train our officers to deal with any type of canine that would defend it's home against a sudden forced entrance by 7 armed and screaming men, if these police budget cuts continue we may end up having to employ some dogs ourselves as they are probably cheaper than the PCSO's we currently have to use"

THE STUN has learned from 73 year old neighbour Jermaine Shepherd that the deceased Labradoodle was a well known risk, "I have reported that dirty bitch to the council countless times for persistent fouling but nothing was ever done, now they're sorry, I told them it would all end up in a big stinking mess, I feel vindicated" he said

Sergeant Springer who led the initial raid was treated for shock after the ordeal, he told THE STUN "when that ferocious beast grabbed my colleague I just ran, I'll probably be hounded for not doing more to save them but I'm only earning £46k a year and now that we no longer get to top up our income with tax free "Tips" from tabloid journalists there's just no way I'm getting hurt for such a pittance, they'll probably have a bone to pick with me when they get back from their 6 months sick leave but that's just life in 21st century Barking"

Bloodbath, a Newham street becomes a river of Labradoodle blood after pets public execution

5 members of a Bahamian pop group were later remanded in custody after an anonymous tip off on the crimeshoppers snitch line, the unidentified caller claimed he knew for a fact that it was definitely the Baha Men "who let the dogs out"

Sex Factor Sex Tape Scandal - Tulisa Comes Clean

Tulisa's Blow By Blow Account

Talented vocalist Tulisa Contostavrobabbadopoulou has shocked n-dubz & X-Factor fans by revealing that the controversial "faked" blowjob video that allegedly showed her hungrily felating fellow bandmate "Facialer" was in fact a REAL SEX TAPE all along!

In a shocking 360 degree u-turn, tantalising, todger teaser Tulisa told her many new fans that she did indeed do the dirty deepthroat deed on "THAT dong" but in a shocking 180 degree twist to the u-turn it was revealed that she remembered the gnarly purple member she was noshing off was not in fact the member of band member "Facialer" at all....

Former ex boyfriend Justin Cider also known as rapper MC Ulterior was named and shamed as the lewd love rat who did the dirty in Tasty Tulisa's sex tape, in her Youtube confessional video Tidy Tulisa 23 said she was Heartbroken, Horrified & Humiliated to be Betrayed, Belittled and Badgered by a performer she once Tutored, Trusted & Titilated, in her heartfelt video she admitted "I've never been the type to just kneel down and keep my mouth shut, that's one of the things MC Ulterior really liked about me"

Lewd love rat MC Ulterior, leaked his penis onto the web

THE STUN contacted lawyer to the stars Mrs Dee Nials who only yesterday was adamant that the leaked material was "utterly fake" in a brief telephone conversation she refused to accept that it was indeed her we were talking to and said she'd never heard of any Tulisa, especially one whose surname was such a mouthful, "what injunctions are you talking about? I have no idea what any of this means, what's a solicitor?" she told us, allegedly

Warren Street her agent was unrepentant that he'd categorically denied Tulisa's involvement in the sex tape only yesterday, he told THE STUN this morning "I was gobbing off yesterday, I lied to protect my client, I thought it would quickly blow over and coming clean was not the way a head"

X Factor judge Tulisa finished off her confessional video saying "If you're gonna judge me yeah like now you can judge us both you get me, and remember yeah, when you judge someone yeah, it don't define the person you is judging yeah, it defines you innit" great news for all future X Factor contestants

All's well that ends well however, Tulisa is getting offers of work from lollypop & vacuum cleaner  manufacturers, meanwhile her raunchy video has been nominated for a prestigious MOBLO award